This article was written by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
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You’re still crushing on your ex, and you want them back fast. Fortunately, texting them is a great way to reconnect and get them to miss you. Crafting the perfect opening text is fairly easy, and we’ll even help you out with what to say. Once you break the ice, focus on reconnecting with your ex so you can rebuild attraction and trust. Keep reading to find out what to text to get your ex back fast.
This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Connell Barrett, founder of Dating Transformation. Check out the full interview here.
Asking for advice is a simple, easy way to start a conversation. Use your knowledge about them to ask for expert advice. It’ll make them feel good about themselves, so they’ll probably respond back quickly. Here are some variations on this text:
“Can you recommend a good video game for my brother’s birthday?”
“I just got a new guitar. Any tips for a beginner?”
“My laptop keeps restarting. Any advice on how to fix it?”
“I’m choosing classes for next semester. Was that graphic design course you took worth it?”
“I can’t get past level 58 on Game Quest. Any advice?”
“I just got a new puppy! When did you start teaching your dog tricks?”
Use this to grab their interest without saying you miss them. If they respond, tell them you’re doing something you used to do together or something they always recommended you try.[1]XResearch source Hopefully, this will start up a conversation. Here are some follow-up texts you could send when they ask “What?”
“I’m at the escape room you always wanted to try.”
“I’m at the arcade trying to beat your top score.”
“I’m finally trying that coffee you say is so good.”
Show them you remember details from your relationship. Tell them you've recently seen or heard something that connects back to their interests, hobbies, or goals. Hopefully, they’ll text you back and you can keep the conversation going. Here are some ways to say you’re thinking of them:
“I just heard our song, and it made me think of you.”
“I rewatched the Harry Potter series last weekend. I couldn’t help but think of you.”
“I’m at a baseball game and can’t stop thinking about watching you play.”
“I just saw a stream of your favorite game, it reminded me of you.”
Take the pressure off by saying someone else was thinking about them. It’s really scary to admit you miss someone. You might not be ready to admit you’re thinking about them, and that’s okay. Just say it was someone else, like your family or friends. You could also say:
“Keilani told me you made the team. Congrats!”
“My friends say they saw you at the movies last night.”
“Today my mom told her friends the story about the time you rescued Roscoe from the tree.”
Remind them of a happy memory from your relationship. Sharing a memory is a great way to stir up nostalgia and make them miss you.[2]XResearch source Choose a happy memory that you’re sure they enjoyed.[3]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett Dating CoachExpert Interview Try something like this:
“Remember when we sang that duet at karaoke?”
“Do you remember swimming together in the lake last summer?”
“Do you remember our candlelit picnic in the park?”
“Remember when we went stargazing?”
“Do you remember catching that foul ball at the game last year?”
Text them a photo of you two together. This is another way to remind them of your happy memories together. Pick a photo where you both look cute, so they remember how attracted they were to you.[4]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett Dating CoachExpert Interview Send something like this:
A photo of you two at a dance or wedding.
A picture of y’all smiling in front of a landmark.
Ask them about a hobby or interest to start up a conversation. You’ll be able to break the ice, and this shows them you remember details about their life. Pick something they really cared about, like their favorite band or their goal in life. You might try:
“Is Taylor Swift still your favorite singer?”
“Do you still like blueberry cream cheese on your bagels?”
An open-ended question is a great way to start a conversation. This works best if you had a fairly easy break-up because your ex likely won’t have hard feelings toward you. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship to help make them miss you. Other questions you might ask include:
“What have you been doing since our break-up?”
“What was your favorite moment during our relationship?”
“What do you think could have saved our relationship?”
“What do you think about when you think of me?”
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“I’m really sorry for what I did. Can I ever make it up to you?”
Send an apology text if you made a mistake in the past. You might start here if you really hurt them while you were together. Tell them that you know you messed up and promise that you’ll treat them better in the future.[5]XResearch source Here are some ways you could apologize:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about how I hurt you. I regret what I did so much, and I really want to make things right.”
“I know I made some mistakes in our relationship. I’ve really been working on myself, and I know things can be different.”
“I’m so sorry for hurting you. What I did was wrong, and I promise I’ve changed. Can you give me another chance?”
Be honest and vulnerable about how you feel once they respond. It’s scary, but telling them how you feel is the best way to get them back. Hopefully, they’ll feel the same way, and you’ll get back together. Here are some other ways you could express your feelings:
“Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about you. I hope you’ll give me another chance.”
“I’ve really missed you over these past few weeks.”
“I’m so happy we’re talking again. I’ve been so sad since the breakup. I miss you.”
“Honestly, I still love you.”
Reader Poll: We asked 2599 wikiHow readers which sign would make them feel most hopeful about potentially reuniting with their ex, and 50% of them said reaching out and initiating contact after a period of no communication.[Take Poll]
Invite them to hangout with a group as a first step. Your goal is to get them back, but you might not be ready to ask them for a date. A group hangout is a great first step to rekindling what you had in the past.[6]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett Dating CoachExpert Interview You could try something like this:
“There’s a game night at Yuli’s house this weekend. Wanna come?”
“A group of us are going bowling this weekend. Want to join us?”
“I’m forming a study group for English class. We’re meeting at the coffee house tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. if you want to come.”
“Ling is starting a sci-fi book club, and I thought you’d be interested. We’re going to meet this Saturday to pick the first book. Do you want to come?”
Ask them out on a date when you feel ready. You’re probably really eager to get them back, but getting back together takes a bit of time. Start reconnecting by going on a date.[7]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett Dating CoachExpert Interview Here are some ways to ask them out:
“I’ve been craving Mexican food lately. Wanna get dinner with me at Cafe Bonita this Friday?”
“I still want a mini golf rematch. Would you be up for a round this Saturday?”
“I really miss laughing with you. Are you open to grabbing coffee tomorrow afternoon so we can catch up?”
“I have an extra ticket to the game this weekend. Would you be interested in going with me?”
When trying to get back with someone you really love, it’s important to first understand why the breakup happened in the first place and what you’re going to do differently this time around. If you come to your former partner showing them that you’re taking responsibility for your side of the street and that you have implemented changes or have a plan to, they are much more likely to consider getting back with you.
Next, it’s important to remember what brought you and your ex together in the first place and to try and replicate that. Remembering why you clicked and loved each other in the beginning can go a long way toward getting back together again. Was there a favorite restaurant that the two of you used to go to that you can bring your ex to again or send them dinner from that restaurant as a surprise at their door? Did the two of you bond over a mutual love for certain musical artists, books, or art? Consider sending your ex a card with the lyrics to your song in it, a book from their favorite author, or something that reminds you both about the time you spent in the beginning of your relationship connecting over mutual interests.
Finally, communicate with your former partner openly and honestly about why you want to get back together. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and share your true feelings. You don’t need to beg or plead with them to take you back but rather you want to paint a picture for them of your vision for the relationship moving forward.
This kinda depends on the relationship you had. If it was toxic, I wouldn't recommend getting back together. Also take into consideration that perhaps your ex might not want to get back with you. I would give it time, and try to work things out and make sure you're both on the same page and improve the relationship.
Make sure you know why you want your ex back. If you’re just lonely, it might be best to move on, even though it’s really hard. Try focusing on hobbies and spending time with friends right now.[10]XResearch source
This article was written by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 586,183 times.
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