How do I rebuild trust in a relationship after it's been broken?
My partner and I have recently gone through a rough patch that involved a breach of trust. We're both still committed to the relationship, but things aren’t the same, and I can feel the distance growing between us. I want to rebuild the trust we once had, but I’m not sure where to start or how long it will take.
What are some realistic, healthy ways to begin restoring trust in a relationship? How can both partners contribute to the process, and what should I expect along the way? I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who has gone through something similar—or from people who understand what it takes to heal and rebuild a strong connection.
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If you want to rebuild trust, there needs to be a lot of transparency. Usually, the person whose trust was broken continues to search because they feel like they don’t know everything—they feel like they only know what they’ve discovered, or what the other person has admitted to. I think that the person who broke trust should submit all their social media accounts, email accounts, and phone records, so their partner can see whatever they need to see. They just need to know everything, so they can stop searching and their anxiety can go down. This takes you back to zero again, so you can start version 2.0.
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When trust is broken in a relationship, it’s absolutely possible to heal and move forward, but it may take some time. Here are a few ways to rebuild trust:
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- Have open, honest conversations about what happened, with both partners feeling safe to express their feelings about the situation.
- Communicate your needs and boundaries clearly with each other. (For example, the person whose trust was broken may need their partner to check in with them more often about where they are or who they’re hanging out with.)
- As time passes, make time to connect and have fun with each other. There will be lots of hard moments, so it’s important to go on dates and spend quality time with each other, too. This reminds you what is so special about your relationship, and why you’re both fighting for it.
- Finally, consider seeing a couples therapist or counselor. A third party can help you come up with healthy ways to heal and repair your bond.
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