Ren Fernandez-Kim

You would know your family best, and each family is different, but definitely keep your safety in mind. If you feel your survival and livelihood would be in danger, and you don’t have a large support system beyond your family, unfortunately, my suggestion would be not to come out. I will always advocate for being your authentic, true self, but in really harsh realities, you may not be in a safe environment to do so.

If you do have someone that you can trust and you know would not put you in harm’s way, then by all means, rely on them during this time. Figure out a way to create a support network, whether that’s chosen family or coworkers that you trust, and see if there are alternatives where you can take yourself physically out of the unsafe environment. Once you have a good support network, consider talking to your family, but while you’re under their roof and dependent on them with no method of escape, take that into serious consideration. Of course, that is the worst-case scenario, but unfortunately, it is a reality for some. Hopefully, your family will recognize that they still love you as a person, and that’s all that matters, and they’ll create a supportive, safe environment for you. That’s the ideal case, but if that doesn’t happen, then you’ll at least have your own support network that you’ve created for yourself.

For me, I feel I'm consistently fluctuating between agender and non-binary. Agender is not identifying with any gender; it's a neutral thing. You may feel little connection to your body at all and like you don’t have to perform anything. Sometimes I feel like I lean into that a lot. Non-binary, on the other hand, gives a bit more flexibility and allows for more play. Non-binary would be the umbrella term, and agender would be under that umbrella.